DANCE AND ME !!!

It all started with my first program in Kg-1. I was 4 years old. I was among the good number of 20 children who were selected to dance on some rhymes during school annual function [Mary Mount School, Aizawl]. The four year old kid felt like some celebrity, dancing on stage. How much I admired the claps at the end of the show. Who knew the clapping sounds are going to be a part of my life in near future?

I remember insisting my dad to keep singing for me and I used to dance on his every number, regardless of understanding the lyrics...just kept dancing and dancing until my father became tired and pleaded me to stop.

The turning point in my life was during my winter vacation in class 2. I came to my maternal uncles’ place and co-incidentally there was a dance program. I was prepared by my aunts to dance in the program just to make my vacation more meaningful. It was a competition but I went for just a performance. The program went nice. After the function was over, an old man of 60 years [judge of the competition] went up to the stage and said “I wish the little girl who had just danced [tats me] participated in the competition, she would have grabbed the prize”…those motivating words by a dancing guru filled my parents with emotion and they started dreaming of their daughter becoming a good dancer in near future. Nobody had the idea that the old man on stage , praising their daughter, will one day groom their daughter into a dancer…Yes he happens to be my teacher who taught me dance for long 8 years and one day left me alone , the world…an eternal soul..

But life was not that easy. When we shifted to Assam, my mom got me admitted to a private dance class. I was welcomed very cunningly by two girls there who were already good in their profession. I still remember how much they laughed at me for the every move I made wrong. They ridiculed, criticized, making my time more difficult. I started losing confidence. They denied dancing with me, I being a horrible dancer then. But we had to dance together on a school program [both being from the same school], I remember my own friends criticizing me and comparing me with that particular girl...thank to all. They made my determination more strong. Finally I left learning dance coz I could not take the harassment more. May be I couldn’t stay dominated for long. But then came the real change when my father took me to a dancing school where that old judge was the teacher. My life turned. He taught me, choreographed my every step, and helped me to modify my every move, always with a smiling face. Years passed learning and performing. I never saw that girl again but during my 9th standard, we again came across on a dance program. We were standing together in the selection procedure. Her name was called first and she was given a good position and then my name followed and I was made to stand in front of her. The words still ring on my ears when she was asked to follow me while I shall lead the dance. So the ugly duckling suddenly turned into a beautiful swan...I could realize I was a good dancer by then…So…NO LOOKING BACK

I joined different clubs, kept performing every month, won prizes. I still remember one of my dance examiners who came to me, put his hand on my head and said “Alina I never want you to leave dancing, you’ll be famous one day”…. Life always does not give what you demand. It brings options, brought some in my life as well and I chose the option where I had to leave my dancing behind me and walk on.

The tragedy came when I started performing nationally. I performed in Delhi, Halflong and was about to have some programs in Mumbai and Ahmedabad…But I had to leave dancing. My parents were shocked and probably will never forgive me for this. But you cannot get everything in life.

My sir kept calling me, insisting me but nothing could bring me to stage. And one day I got the news that my sir left us all. His body was taken for funeral but I didn’t go to see that. How could I...I didn’t have the courage to face him when he was alive and I didn’t want to see his body. I wanted to have the last impression of his smiling face. I am sorry sir…I really am…

Life is all about sacrifices…Anyways this is not the end…

MY FIRST JOB

“MANAGER-OPERATION & COMMUNICATION”…what a tag!!! Starting my career as a manger was like 100 feathers on my cap. My visiting card, identity card….all justified my status. I was a big person. Back in Assam, my university mates and teachers must have set me as an example...wow……
Well said by Sprite…” DIKHAWE PE NA JAO…APNI AKAL LAGAO”

My first day at office.It was a beautiful office indeed. Well decorated, all serious faces, working, with random smile. My reporting head took me to my seat and introduced me to my neighbor…Mayur...Did he smile that day? Hmmm... Let me put it this way...Did he ever smile? Well two different personalities were sitting together. One me who was in habit of smiling 24*7 and next to me Mayur , who was an example of professionalism..No greetings, no smile, no attention...Nothing. I remember the first day I asked him for a help and the reply was “khud karo”. That moment I hated Delhi and promised never to make friends in office.But promises are meant to be broken. Indeed Mayur became a very good fren before leaving.

Back to the topic...The first day I was informed that I am the only employee of this NGO. Hmm some instinct within said things was not right. First day I was idle without work. It happens with every fresher. Okay second day again no work...Cool. Third day no work...Hmmm let’s see. Fourth day again no work…then I realized that things were not fine. First 15 days I had just no work. A sense of fear within, did I select the right job? I looked at my God [the idol I always carry with me], I looked at people around, mayur [busy working], then my identity card...Oops I am the manager...how can it be a wrong decision? After all human greed...I realized I am the manager and so I need to manage things. I took up some initiative on my own, discussed with peoples around and finally got an assignment to provide 28 filters in 14 schools. I accomplished the task. No credit coz it was simple enough for any graduate and required no technical skills.

Project finished. Successful...congratulations...Bravo...What next…NOTHING,

Days were spent sitting idle, no work. Again my confidence prompted me to take initiatives. What are managers for? With confidence and zeal I decided to provide 26 filters to 26 schools. My management was so impressed. I prepared the budget, selected the area I am going to target...On producing the budget I was informed that the NGO had no money left after the first project….then… Simple, I have to be a fund raiser and with a smile on my face convince people to pay money. I was out of my mind...I had my social work , skills, techniques to help people to help themselves..But I was asked to go begging for money. I was the manager...Right? .let me tell you what kind of manager I was….
I was a manager who had no employees under to manage.
I was a manger who just needed to take money people by managing a smile.
I was a manager who just needed to manage the tag that the Ngo had an employee
I was a manger who had been managing one’s own anger, patience and emotions since three months.

Frustration, emotions, anger made my days worst out there and to add to my trouble I kept committing blunders ---------------
Sending same mail to 400 employees, Sending serious mails without subjects or sometimes with subject as joke of the day, falling down in the stairs, and sending friendly mails to my reporting head by mistake…I messed up things

Well, I realized time has come to move out. I understood the true meaning of terms like “underemployment” “job satisfaction” But I should mention some wonderful frens i made...mamta [ her childlike activities], amita [ full of concern], jai[ cute and handsome] and mayur of course[ by then I managed to see him smile frequently]. They made my birthday really special ,away from home, I miss the moments me and mayur shared singing some 70s filmy songs..

Well, nothing comes to my life without twist... I got offer letter from my present office but my reporting head there denied accepting my resignation. I was in a damn fix. I kept pleading him but no reply. He was out of station. I cursed him, blamed him, hated him [all in mind though]. Finally I decided to leave letting my 3 months experience go in vain. Last day at office, to my surprise my sir came to me & like a mentor helped me with all formalities. Really felt guilty...I misunderstood him. He supported me from day 1 but just because he was late in replying to my mails, my attitude changed towards him. The last words from him to me …..“ So Alina, I could not convince you”...Yes, I couldn’t be convinced coz I was in a small shell while the entire world was near me to explore.

Now I have good organization, good colleagues, good roommate, some very good frens and my god with me. Hope life takes a good turn for me. Let’s see what future holds…..

DRAMATIC JOURNEY FROM BEING STUDENT TO PROFESSIONAL

At the onset let me thank Arunav for inspiring me to write my blog.

Well, I had a dramatic journey to my profession from my student life. The drama began on the very day I was standing in a crowd to know my 10Th results. Crowd of students, some crying, some smiling, some touching feet of elders and some getting good bangs…I was one among them struggling to get a glimpse of the result that is going to decide my faith. Suddenly I noticed my teacher standing with the entire sheet of result in his hand. Tat was luck. I rushed to him with my roll number. The reply was “star with three letters”…God I was on cloud9...Flying dreaming of the smile my parents will give me, delicious dishes, and gifts. Celebration…Most importantly my dream of taking up science and building a career on that was coming true…Hold on which are the subjects where I got letters. On asking this question I was replied “Science, English and Bengali”. Did I hear Bengali? But that was not my subject. My MIL was Hindi. I re-enquired and after re-checking my real result came out, ”SIMPLE FIRST DIVISION”…a tag that people in my town add to the non letter holder. Anyway it was like being thrown from some helicopter. And yes my mom’s frowning face kept coming to my mind. At home melodrama started. My mom accusing me not to be a student of science and to take up arts and blah bah. I loved science but who was there to make her understand. So, my faith was decided by mom and I took up arts leaving my dreams behind. After some days when I got my mark sheet, it revealed I missed letters in maths, science and adv, maths for2, 3 and 4 marks…so I was a student of science. But mom showed no interest on marks rather it was the tag bothering her “simple first div” Finally, I took up arts.

Next two year was spent on deciding every aspect of career that can be made successful with arts. Journalism, tourism, I kept changing my mind. Finally when I had finished my HS it was time to go out of my town. But MOOOOOOOOM again. This time her drama was “You are too small to go out now, finish your graduation” I was not ready to go for it; I wanted a professional course but no scope in my town. Then my parents started fighting bout the subject they wanted me to do honors in. Fully depressed I took economics honors but…thank to my uncle who visited our house at night 10 pm and changed my life. He informed about the new professional course Social work in Assam University., 1 hrs journey from home. I started breathing as I was saved from pursuing simple graduation. Without thinking much and even without knowing the subject well I gave my test and got selected {hope all my interviewers are not reading this as when asked for the reason to take up social work as a career I give some bull shit reason that justifies my concern for the society] Any ways journey as student of social work started

Next drama, My bachelor degree result was out and my dear fren Jivan informed me that I secured the gold medal and topped my class [ jivan, hope u are reading this ] Well my mom was so proud of her decision, daddy busy planning party, my relatives started sending money to my account…celebration. Me again on cloud9...But cloud 9 didn’t like me. Now read carefully. Imagine next day I come to university, congratulated by everyone, frens, juniors, seniors. I was quite a celebrity and then like a princess had walked to the result board and saw my result in the "Second Position" and not first. Damn jivan was confused with roll number…So thrown out from a parachute this time. I called back parents and then all my relatives with a promise to achieve the medal in my master. Thank my relatives dint ask me to send back the money.

Next episode was when I was doing my internship in Rajasthan, during my final semester. To be mentioned I have lived my life in those 42 days. Anyways on the final day in Rajasthan we had a presentation. My fren Tania and I was pretty good in that and we were offered job in the organization. But nothing comes to my life without drama. They offered Rs 5000 to me, a master degree holder. On demanding to know the reason of such a low salary they replied {hope all Aus students are reading this}…”WE pay 20000 to IRRMA students, 15000 to TISS..and 5000 to u from AUS”.. I started turning red. I took the courage to ask that sweet lady if student with IRRMA comes with 50% and AUS with 70%...What is their preference…institute or percentage/quality. The reply was “INSTITUTE”. Honestly I dint mind killing a person at that moment. I felt like burning my certificate. I called up my professor and cried, screamed and demanded to know the grade of my univ…..B. Anyways I never looked back to that organization.

This time I was the drama queen at home and mom on defense part. I said since I have been abiding by her decision all through my career now it was time for her to think of my job and silchar had no scope. She was quiet with seldom sentimental dialogue. But I played the tricky part and this time forced my parents to send me to Delhi. AND THEY AGREED… I was happy but as days came closer I don’t know why I was filled with emotion [arunav don’t read next few lines as I may be copying you. cant help as feelings were similar ] I was too sad to leave my mom alone behind, my streets, my town everything associated with silchar suddenly became so close.
The day I landed on the earth of Delhi. I saw the zigzag lanes, big street. A feeling that I am on the capital city to build my career. But some instinct within was telling that the broken streets of my small town was much better. Anyways life took a good turn I got my job within3 days and within a month my final master degree result was out. Guess what... I finally topped and secured the gold medal. But my relatives dint take the risk to send me money this time. But my daddy compensated well with some really good gifts.

Anyways just wanna say mom ur decision was right and because of u I had spent my most good times in AUS and I have also started my career as social worker. I am loving it.

Next drama started with my first office…sorry not going to bore you more…TO BE CONTINUED…..